I’m a good basketball player. I play, I study, I read, and I write basketball. I’m one of the better players during our Sunday morning regular games in our village, still playing at par with players way younger than me. But when I play in an organized basketball league, I suddenly become a liability on the offensive end and only scores a handful every game. I never won a championship during my entire life, always settling for runner up at best. The competitive person that I am, I feel defeated more often than not.
During my private legal practice years, I was then a promising young lawyer, with impressive speaking skills and loud and confident voice. I go to court well-prepared, argue soundly, and I often get a nod of admiration from judges. But I was too idealistic to be a litigator. My emotions always get the best of me and I give more premium on compassion than legal principles and procedures. And with some corrupt people in the legal system that you need to deal with along the way, I called it a career as I knew back then that this is not something that I will be very good at. The principled person that I am, I feel defeated doing my job.
I took a masteral class a couple of years ago. Although it was just for one year, I met some beautiful people who appreciate everything that I said and did during our class. People rarely appreciate me and so I hold dear all my classmates’ affirmation and recognition of myself and what I do. And I told myself, maybe I’m very good at this one. When graduation day came, I was not recognized by the institution and did not go home with any awards or honors. That made me realize that I may feel that I’m very good at something, but others might not feel the same way. As an aspiring person that I am, I feel defeated moving forward.
Working in a corporate government setup is a battle every day. You have to act like a soldier and follow orders day in and day out. I have been through all of this en route to becoming a full-fledged Department Head. With that position, I get to lead, inspire, and motivate – things that I think I’m good at. Less than a year had passed and my Department was dissolved, stripping me off with all the benefits that come with it overnight. Again, I might have been good before to get that illustrious position but not long enough to keep the same. The person that I am, I feel sheer defeat with what they did to me.
I can’t take the feeling of defeat anymore, and so I paused one day and asked myself: There must be one thing that I’m really very good at, something that I always feel like I’m a winner whatever happens and whatever I do?
That’s when I realize that when I make silly and corny jokes, I still get the best laugh from my two-year old daughter. When I go home from work, I get the tightest hug from her. When we are in a video call, I get the sweetest smile. When she’s asleep, I get the warmest cuddles. When we ride the bike, I get the jolliest ‘yehey’. When I gift her a new toy, I get the sincerest ‘thank you’. Before she falls asleep, I get the sweetest ‘I love you’. When we are doing nothing, I get random kisses.
I may feel defeated for several occasions, but I thank my daughter for always making me feel like a winner. And that is all that really matters.
No comments:
Post a Comment